By Shaunti Feldhahn
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Extra resources for 1590523172.(N)
If you belittle your husband in front of another man, you can even ruin his career. I’m not kidding. ” Me: “Back to the teasing question…” Dad: “You have to understand—men don’t let down their guard easily. They don’t let down their guard with other men unless they are very close. Most men probably crave a situation where they can, but they aren’t naturally made that way—its all a competition instead. The only time a guy’s guard is completely down is with the woman he loves. ” “The only time a guy’s guard is completely down is with the woman he loves.
If instead of affirming, a wife reinforces her husband’s feelings of inadequacy, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, if we focus our attention on what he is doing wrong in the relationship, we can unwittingly undermine what we most want—for him to do it right. Of the men I surveyed, only one man in four felt actively appreciated by his family. But I discovered a dismaying fact. Of the men I surveyed, only one man in four felt actively appreciated by his family. And 44 percent of men actually felt unappreciated at home.
When I was a year or two out of college, I went on a retreat that profoundly impacted my understanding of men. The theme of the retreat was “Relationships,” which as you can imagine was of great interest to a group of single young adults. For the very first session, the retreat speaker divided the room in half and placed the men on one side, women on the other. “I’m going to ask you to choose between two bad things,” he said. ” I remember thinking, What kind of choice is that? Who would ever choose to feel unloved?
1590523172.(N) by Shaunti Feldhahn